"Welcome everyone to 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'!
I'm your host Himura Kenshin. Let's go have some fun tonight,
Kenshin walks down the stairs and into his desk while
the audience claps.
Kenshin: "Thank you, thank you. Welcome to
'Whose Line is it Kenshinway?', the show where all men
fear Kaoru, so we had to keep her off for this episode.
Um, tonight our performers are Shishio-san, Yahiko-kun,
Sano, and Saitou."
Shishio: "I fear no one, not even you, Battousai."
Yahiko: "... (Why am I sitting next to this
Sano: "Damn that stupid racoon, she'll get
what's coming to her."
Saitou takes a puff of his cigarette.
Kenshin: "Please no smoking in here, Saitou."
Saitou tosses his bud at Kenshin, who demolishes the cigarette.
Kenshin: "This first game is a game called
'Doctor'. Shishio will be sitting down as the doctor while
the others have to tell him their problems individually.
So, first, Yahiko. What's something that a normal person
would be scared of?"
The audience shouts out random words as Yahiko takes a
Kenshin: "The dark. OK, Yahiko, you're afraid
of the dark. Please go according to the tune Tsubame plays
on the piano. Begin whenever you're ready."
Yahiko: "You gotta help me doctor, or else
I'm going to crack. I'm scared of the dark, I think I
pissed in my pants. All this moisture is bugging me, so
Doctor Shishio Makoto will you help me please?"
Shishio: "The only thing I can perscribe is
a beauty mask, however if you wear it, I'll come by real
fast. A friend of the Battousai's is no friend of mine,
so watch out kid or your friends will see you die."
Yahiko coughs as he goes back upstage.
Yahiko: "(I'll get him in the hoedown.)"
Kenshin: "Nice... um, Shishio, can you not
be so personal."
Shishio: "After the show, we duel again, as
Kenshin: "I didn't agree to no such. Anyway,
what's something that you can fall in love with?"
The audience spits out their words as Sano takes a seat.
Kenshin: "OK, a dog."
Sano: "What the hell!?"
Kenshin: "Sano is in love with a dog."
Sano scoffs as the tune begins.
Sano: "Doctor, doctor, doctor, I really have
problems. You see, I like dogs, even if they're mongrols.
There's something that isn't right in that, but what can
you expect? Especially when you can't get some with a
Shishio: "There's something wrong with you,
all right. At least you're not like that stupid kid, scared
of the night. I can tell that you really have an obessesion
for man's best friend, but I don't think I can help a
guy that looks like a chicken."
Kenshin: "All ri - "
Sano: "Thanks a lot you're no help, you bandaged
guy. How you became a doctor must really be a lie."
Kenshin: "All right!!!"
Shishio and Sano blink as they stare at Kenshin.
Sano: "Um, Kenshin, your eyes."
Sano: "They changed color. They're amber."
Kenshin punches himself in the face, reverting back to
Shishio: "You should have let me fight him
you stupid chicken!"
Sano: "Shut the hell up you piece of - "
Kenshin: "Please have a seat, Sano!"
Sano walks off grumbling to himself.
Kenshin: "Finally, does anyone know a game
that's really enjoyable to them?"
The audience spits out words as Saitou heads to his seat.
Kenshin: "Baseball, OK."
Saitou: "Wait. What is this... baseball?"
Kenshin: "Get with the times Saitou. Baseball
is that game where you have that bat and you hit the ball."
Saitou: "I see. Now, what is a 'bat'?"
Saitou: "I'm kidding."
The music begins playing.
Saitou: "Hey Doctor Bandage, baseball's really
fun. I bet it's a lot better than that whore you've got
or owning a gun. I'm the master of this entire show and
when you're compared to me you really really blow."
Shishio: "I am a doctor and you've got nothing
wrong. Baseball is a sport that can last really long.
As for you being the best, well you better move over cause
Shishio Makoto is taking over.
Kenshin: "That last game was... weird. It's
time to move on to the next game, the 'Dating Game'. Saitou
will be the lucky bachelor and he must figure out in the
end who Shishio, Yahiko, and Sano are."
Saitou: "Bachelor #1, I like to have a fun
time at night. If I were to go out with you, where would
you take me on our first date?"
Sano smiles with a corny grin on his face.
Sano: "Oh, somewhere nice and quiet."
Saitou: "Tsch. Bachelor #2, I dream of nice
things at night. What do you dream of?"
Yahiko: "I dream that one day, my cooking
will be better than Kenshin's. Although, I think that
there's no chance in the world that'll ever happen, you
can dream, can't you?"
Saitou: "All right... Bachelor #3, if you
were persistent, what would you do to get into a relationship
Shishio: "Why, I'd use the same thing over
and over and over and over and over again. Like my fellow
friends, I'll continue to do the same thing, go for the
same person, over and over and over and over again."
Yahiko: "Did I mention that I think I'm cute,
but I'm really ugly!?"
Sano: *still smiling* "Shall I go buy some
rice cakes and make some tea?"
Yahiko: "I stink, yes it is true!"
Shishio: "Over and over and over and over
and over - "
Sano: "Ahh!!! I'M MELTING IN THE RAIN!!!"
Kenshin rings the buzzer a couple dozen times.
Kenshin: "So, Saitou, have any idea of who's
Saitou: "Who the hell is this first bachelor.
At first, I thought it was that girl over there, but my
guess is that it's some two-faced witch?"
Kenshin: "Nope, no, Sano was Soujirou."
Saitou: "Tsch... and I know the second bachelor
is that ugly racoon-girl."
Kenshin: "Um, yeah, Kaoru-dono."
Saitou: "And that last one over there is a
Shishio: "I am you."
Saitou: "Shut up."
Scenes From a Hat
Kenshin: "Our next game is again, for all
of you. I will draw a scene from this hat written by the
audience before the taping and you guys have to act out
a small portion. The first scene, bad names for children."
Kenshin: "The name of the Kamiya Dojo if Kaoru
was the one who'd start it."
Sano: "Loser Hangout."
Shishio: "That's too good to follow up."
Kenshin: "Things you wouldn't want to hear
from Kenshin during a big battle."
Shishio: "Can we pause? I have to insert my
Saitou: "Whoops, I just cut my own throat."
Yahiko: "My sword just broke, again."
Sano: "I forgot all of my moves."
Kenshin: "Now, it's the final game, everyone's
favorite, the hoedown. Tsubame will play the tune and
the four will have to sing according to it on a certain
subject. What should the subject be?"
The audience shouts out a few words.
Kenshin: "Oro? The Oro Hoedown?"
The audience cheers.
Kenshin: "All right. I guess this time, it's
the Oro Hoedown!"
Shishio: "I know a guy named Kenshin and he's
not too tough. I wouldn't even consider him for a second
buff. All I know is that he has a real lame saying. "Oro?"
is the word and then he gets his payings."
Yahiko: "The other night I heard Kenshin scream
out loud, "Oro!!" was heard in the crowd. It
must have been just a sudden burst of the moment, but
when I looked at the scene I saw Shishio dead."
Sano: "You know that Kenshin, he is quite
a guy. He says "Oro" a lot and that's just fine.
However that guy in bandages doesn't have a quote. Maybe
we should have let him go on his iron boat."
Saitou: "There is but one catchphrase that
runs on this damn show. "Oro" is the word and
I hate it with so much loahte. Kenshin always says it
and it gets on my nerves, mainly because when he mentions
it he looks like a Smurf."
Kenshin: "Um... all right, that's it for this
edition of 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?' I know, I know,
I forgot to pick a winner this time. Silly me. The winner
tonight is Saitou!"
Saitou: "See you."
Saitou walks off stage and lights a cigarette.
Kaoru: "Kenshin you idiot!"
Kaoru slams a frying pan on Kenshin's head.
Kaoru slams it on Kenshin until he has a large lump on
Yahiko: "Agh! It's Kaoru!"
The audience runs away and so does Yahiko and Sano.
Shishio: "I don't fear anyone on this planet!"
Kaoru: "How dare you let them make those remarks
Kenshin: "Stop! It! Kaoru! Dono!"
Shishio: "... On second thought, maybe there's
just one person..."
Shishio runs away as Kaoru is left alone in the studio
beating up Kenshin.