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Let It Burn

Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?

Kenshin: "Welcome everyone to 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'! I'm your host Himura Kenshin."
Kenshin walks down the stairs and into his desk while the audience claps.
Kenshin: "Thank you for joining us and thank you for tuning into this horrendous show where nothing but personal rivalries are among us. Tonight, our performers are the over-easy Shishio Makoto, scrambled Seta Soujirou, omelet Sagara Sanosuke, and sunny side up Saitou Hajime."
The audience claps as the performers are introduced.
Kenshin: "We'll move on to our first g - "
Saitou: "Battousai, you moron, you are stupid enough to bring Shishio and that boy onto the show?"
Kenshin: "Well yeah, Soujirou is good and Shishio is... Shishio."
Sano: "Even I have to agree that this is a stupid move."
Shishio: "Shut up and stay that way."
Soujirou: "... Um... heh heh."
Sano: "Why you bandaged bastard!"
Shishio: "Tonight, I will eliminate all of you - including the audience and those watching at home!"
Saitou: "Right..."

Game #1: Narrate
Kenshin: "Anyway, this first game is entitled 'Narrate'. It'll feature Sano and Saitou, and they will be narrating their own thoughts in some sort of scene. What sort of scene should this event take in?"
The audience shouts out a few suggestions.
Kenshin: "The Akabeko? That's a good one. OK, it's at the Akabeko, your favorite place Sano."
Sano puts his hand over his face in disgust.
Sano: I know..."

A slow, jazz-like tune plays on the piano.
Saitou is looking around and Sano approaches him.
Sano steps forward, closer to the camera.
Sano: "It was a cold night after a warm day; I entered the Akabeko to have a bite to eat. None of my friends would come along because they had some money left from gambling. Unfortunately, I didn't. I spent it all and looked for some free food at the restaurant I love so much."
Sano moves back in and pretends to take a seat.
Saitou turns around.
Saitou: "May I take your order?"
Saitou moves forward to the camera.
Saitou: "I had seen this guy before, but I couldn't place my finger on exactly where."
Saitou moves back.
Sano: "The usual."
Saitou: "And what would that be?"
Sano steps forward.
Sano: "This guy must have been new, for he did not know my usual order."
Sano moves back.
Sano: "Wait a minute! You aren't Tae or Tsubame! In fact... you're a guy!"
Saitou moves forward.
Saitou: "This idiot was so blind that he didn't know I was a male. What kind of person is so ignorant that he can't tell the difference?"
Saitou steps back.
Saitou: "You got me."
Sano: "What did you do with Tae and Tsubame, you jerk?"
Sano steps forward.
Sano: "This guy was tricky. He had a smirk on his face and his eyes were full of mystery. What he could have done with Tae and Tsubame, no one knows."
Sano moves back.
Saitou: "You would like to know, don't you?"
Sano: "Damn straight!"
Saitou moves forward.
Saitou: "This guy was getting impatient. From what I could see, I could no longer hold my gig any further."
Saitou moves back.
Saitou: "The truth is... they're gone. They left me in charge of this restaurant."
Sano: "How could they?"
Saitou steps forward.
Saitou: "This was the opening. I had finally remembered where I had seen this guy."
Saitou steps back.
Saitou: "All right, freeze, Chicken Bandit!"
Sano: "Uh..."
Sano steps forward.
Sano: "The damn bastard got me."
Sano steps back.
Sano: "Who?"
Saitou: "Don't play stupid. You are the notorious Chicken Bandit, the guy who comes into the Akabeko to just eat pounds and pounds of chicken. When finished, you leave casually, as though the meal was free."
Sano: "How the hell do you know so much about me anyway?"
Saitou steps forward.
Saitou: "I just couldn't tell..."
Sano steps forward.
Sano: "It's probably because this guy has no life."
Kenshin pushes the buzzer.

Game #2: Talk Show
Kenshin: "That was an entertaining game, huh?"
Saitou shakes his head.
Kenshin: "Oh well. Our next game is should be even better. It's called 'Talk Show' and will feature everyone."
Shishio grabs a spare microphone as Soujirou and Saitou pull out seats and place them in the center to sit on. As for Sano, he runs up the stairs and takes a seat in the crowd.
Kenshin: "In this game, Shishio, the host of the talk show, will be interviewing Soujirou and Saitou. We need a topic to talk about, however."
The audience shouts out their suggestions.
Kenshin: "OK, the topic is about the breaking of the Zanbatou... take it away, Shishio."

Shishio: "Hello, and welcome to Shishio's Corner, the show that hates the Battousai and everybody close to him. Today, the topic is about the breaking of the Zanbatou, a pathetic weapon in my own personal opinion. I have here with me two important people that will talk to you sloths sitting on the couch at home about this subject. First, what is your name, sir?"
Soujirou: "My name's Shi Jin."
Shishio: "Mr. Shi, what do you feel about horrendous weapon breaking?"
Soujirou: "I could care less. It's just way too big for someone to carry. When I tried lifting it, I nearly fell down through the floor."
Shishio whispers into Soujirou's ear.
Shishio: "The strong survive and the weak die..."
Soujirou pushes Shishio away.
Soujirou: "Silly mummy, I don't believe in that philosophy anymore."
Shishio: "Just to make a note, Soujirou will die after this taping. Now, who are you, long-faced man?"
Saitou: "Shishio Makoto."
Shishio: "And um..."
Saitou: "I could care less about the Zanbatou breaking, but you know, I probably don't even know what one looks like in the first place."
Shishio: "But - "
Saitou: "I'm just locked up in some room, thinking of plans to take over something that's probably impossible to overthrow, and write down some witty statements that I'll use to mesmerize my opponents into a sudden boredom."
Shishio: "Shut up for a minute, there's someone in the audience that has a question. Yeah, you, with the red bandanna."
Sano: "You bastards! I'll kill you all! No one disgraces my Zanbatou's name!"
Sano runs down to the stage in full force and leaps at both Soujirou and Saitou.
Security quickly runs upon the stage to pull Sano off of them.
Sano: "Let me at them!"
Kenshin buzzes the buzzer a couple dozen times.

Game #3: Whose Line is it Anyway?
Kenshin: "Just to let all the children at home know, that fight was fake. Fighting is bad."
Sano: "Indeed."
Saitou: "Tsch."
Shishio: "I feel violated."
Kenshin: "But anyway, our next game is the name of the show we stole this idea from. It'll feature Shishio and Soujirou."
Shishio and Soujirou walk down to Kenshin's desk and grab two pieces of paper each. Both stuff it into their pockets (or bandages in Shishio's case).
Kenshin: "These papers I'm handing Shishio and Soujirou are funny lines written by the audience. They will have to read both papers somewhere during their dialogue, which is dealing with Shishio, a desperate salesman at Soujirou's front door."
Shishio grumbles a bit.

Shishio pretends to ring a door bell.
Soujirou comes out and answers.
Soujirou: "May I help you?"
Shishio: "Good afternoon, sir. Would you be interested in buying some of this Battousai Off! spray?"
Soujirou: "No, I know I can beat him anyway."
Shishio: "Well, you have a better chance of beating him with this."
Soujirou: "Don't tell me... don't tell me you're one of those salesmen."
Shishio: "What do you mean?"
Soujirou: "The kind that go up to you and say..."
Soujirou digs through his pocket and pulls up a piece of paper.
Soujirou: "I'm the king of the world!!"
Shishio: "No, I'm really not that type of guy. Well, I see that you're not interested, so I'll be leaving. But, I leave you with some words of advice..."
Shishio pulls out a piece of paper."
Shishio: "Racoons, foxes, and weasels! Oh my!"
Soujirou: "Wait!"
Shishio turns around and looks at Soujirou.
Shishio: "What do you want?"
Soujirou: "Perhaps, I might buy that spray..."
Shishio: "Really?"
Soujirou: "Although, something in the back of my mind said..."
Soujirou pulls up a piece of paper.
Soujirou: "Let's all dance, NOW!"
Shishio blinks a couple of times as Soujirou begins break dancing on the stage.
Shishio: "Um, no."
Soujirou: "Fine."
Soujirou gets up, off the floor.
Shishio: "Are you going to buy it or not?"
Soujirou extends his hand and Shishio places the "canister" in it.
Shishio: "That'll be five hundred yen."
Soujirou: "I don't have any money..."
Shishio: "I see. In that case, give it back to me!"
Shishio swipes back his "canister".
Shishio: "You know what they say..."
Shishio pulls out a piece of paper.
Shishio: "Wrong one..."
Shishio throws a ripped piece of his bandage away and pulls out the correct paper this time.
Shishio: "Hiten Mitsurugi Ryuu - Ama Kakeru Ryuu no Hirameki!"

Game #4: Hoedown
Kenshin: "I'm flattered, Shishio."
Shishio: "I don't know how you can say such a mouthful of a technique."
Kenshin: "Heh, anyway, tonight's winner is Seta Soujirou for that lovely dance of his."
Soujirou and Kenshin exchange places as Shishio, Sano, and Saitou step up to the center stage.
Saitou: "Finally..."
Kenshin: "Yes, I'm finally down here Saitou and we're going to do a hoedown, but about what?"
The audience begins spitting out their suggestions.
Soujirou: "I like the cheese suggestion."
Kenshin: "Oh well..."
Saitou sighs.
Kenshin: "Take it away Tsubame, the Cheese Hoedown!"

Tsubame begins to play the hoedown tune on her piano.
Shishio: "Eating cheese is fun, there's all sorts of types. There's the blue and green colors, we can't forget the white. When my friend comes over and he's carrying a disease, there's a funny sound and I ask "Who cut the cheese?"."
Kenshin: "I never use cheese to cook at all. If I ever did, it'd have to be in the Fall. The only time I'd ever make an omelet or something with cheese is when Saitou comes over cause of the wife he couldn't please.
Sano: "Cheese, cheese, and more cheese, makes food suck. It isn't worth a yen or even a buck. I wouldn't touch the damn thing if my life was at stake, and when Saitou's wife shouts in bed, she's nothing but a fake."
Saitou: "This hoedown really sucks because it's all about cheese. Then Ken and Sano add in my wife, oh please. You two guys really must kind of sad because you couldn't get some *beep* even from your dads."

Kenshin: "What an uncalled for hoedown, but that's it! Join us next time for 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'!"
Sano: "No crazy Kaoru busting in?"
Saitou: "No sudden outburst?"
Everyone looks at Shishio.
Shishio: "I forgot my sword..."
Saitou: "That explains it."