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Let It Burn

Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?

Kenshin: "Welcome to 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'! I'm your host Himura Kenshin and tonight is the show's special 'Villain's Edition'!"
Kenshin walks down the stairs and into his desk while the audience claps.
Kenshin: "Ah, yet another evening, and I get to spend it with four people who hate or hated me in the past. From left to right, we have "The World's Biggest Scab" Shishio Makoto, "Faster Than the Speed of Light" Seta Soujirou, "Snow White" Yukishiro Enishi, and "The Surgeon General" Saitou Hajime."
The audience applauds.
Enishi: "Snow White? I am no fairy tale, Battousai!"
Saitou: "Just wait and insult him later in the show."
Shishio: "Oh, I know I will!"
Shishio laughs insanely.
Shishio: "And I got a sword with me this time, Battousai!"
Kenshin: "I am so proud for you."

Game #1: Dating Game
Kenshin: "The first game, 'Dating Game', will involve all four contestants. Enishi is looking for a date, played by Shishio, Soujirou, and Saitou. Though, the three guys starting with the letter S will be playing characters that they are just knowing about now."
Saitou: "Where the hell are the envelopes we're suppose to look at?"
Kenshin: "Um... just make up someone then!"
Saitou: "Tsch."
Shishio: "How unprepared, Battousai. Is this how you will be fighting me after the show as well?"
Kenshin: "I'll kill you."
Kenshin's eyes turn amber and a mean look takes over his face.
Soujirou: "Himura-san... we're on the air."
Kenshin: "Oh, right."
Kenshin punches himself in the face, reverting back to normal.
Kenshin: "Anyway, just make up something and Enishi will have to guess."

The four contestants take their seats closer to the edge of the stage.
Enishi: "Bachelor #1, if you were a jelly bean flavor, what flavor would you be?"
Shishio: "Blood flavor. I like the taste of blood, especially the blood of a woman. Eh heh heh..."
Enishi: "OK..."
Shisho gets out of seat, with his eyes closed.
Shishio: "In fact, I can just taste it now!"
Shishio wanders around, but falls off stage. Everyone bursts into laughter as Shishio lies face down.
Enishi: "Bachlelor #2, who do you consider your role model?"
Soujirou: "Battousai!!"
Enishi: "Battousai... is your role model?"
Soujirou: "B... Battousai!"
Soujirou starts frothing.
Enishi: "Right-o. Bachelor #3, where would you take us on our first date?"
Saitou: "I would take you up to the highest mountain, where we would spend our evening getting drunk with the many flavors of sake! Oh yes! Sake is the best beverage in this world! I cannot believe how good it tastes! One minute, it's a refreshing drink that calms the soul, and the next, it takes like sh - "
Enishi: "All right! Bachelor #1? You OK?"
Shishio gets up and looks around.
Shishio: "Hah hah... I can see you all! I can see you with my Shin Gan!"
Enishi: "Err..."
Shishio: "Wait a minute, where did my precious turtle shell go? Aww... now I can't dress up like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle this Halloween!"
Shishio begins sobbing and he wanders around the stage while doing so, that is, until he smashes right into a camera. Again, he falls down, causing the audience to burst out in laughter.
Enishi: "Bachelor #2, how would you describe the perfect woman?"
Soujirou: "Battousai... BATTOUSAI!!!"
Soujirou raises his arm and acts as though he's shooting something. Enishi just raises his eyebrow. Soujirou sits back down and begins frothing again.
Enishi: "Yes. How about you, Bachelor #3?"
Saitou: "Oh, well, the ideal woman... there is no such thing. All there is in life is my sword and sake. Hell, I'm an old fart anyway and I never could score with a fine gal, except the ones at the Aoiya."
Kenshin: "So, do you have any guesses, Enishi?"
Enishi: "I guess that first guy is blind."
Kenshin: "Yeah, yeah, he's Usui."
Shishio gets back up and takes his seat.
Enishi: "The second bachelor is a friend of mine, Kujiranami."
Kenshin: "Yep, and do you have any idea who Saitou is?"
Enishi: "He's some old guy who likes sake?"
Kenshin: "Yeah, but he's my master... unfortunately."
Saitou: "His master's name is Hiko Seijuurou."
Enishi: "Well, how would I know?! I haven't met the guy before! Is he even better than you, Battousai?"
Kenshin: "I don't know."
Saitou: "He is! He is!"
Enishi: "This might be an interesting challenge then... you know, I never did get to finish my - "
Kenshin: "That's enough! You can go back and take your seats!"

Game #2: Evening News
Kenshin: "Our next game is for everyone again. Oh yes, by the way, a hundred points to Shishio for smashing into things."
Shishio: "I'm kind of dizzy."
Kenshin: "Yes, you are. Anyway, all four will come down and be acting as strange newscasters. There's only one sane person out of this entire cast and that will be Soujirou. Soujirou will be the main anchorman, while Enishi, his co-anchorman, Shishio the sports man, and Saitou the weatherman will all have strange characteristics. Now, Enishi is someone who is obsessed with the sports and weather reporters, Shishio is a guy who talks too fast, and Saitou likes camera-shy. Whenever you hear the theme music, you can start the game off, Soujirou."

The news theme begins to play.
Soujirou: "Good evening, I'm Ramalamadingdong..."
Enishi: "And I'm Pip Pooter."
Soujirou: "Tonight, animals attacked, again, and movies nowadays are really, really pointless and are just trying to steal your money."
Enishi: "Yes, movies are always trying to take your money these days. With movies like ... um..."
Enishi stares at Shishio.
Enishi: "Can we switch it over to sports?"
Soujirou: "Uh, go ahead, sports guy, Chan Chan!"
Shishio: "Yes, well, in baseball, some guy scored a home run and in soccer, a guy scored a goal."
Enishi runs up to Shishio and hugs him.
Shishio: "Get off of me!!"
Enishi: "Come with me! Run away with me, Chan Chan! For you and I must be together for enternity!"
Shishio shoves Enishi away, causing him to fall over and knock down Soujirou as well.
Shishio: "Back to you guys."
Soujirou gets himself back to his feet.
Soujirou: "Enough! Time for weather!"
Saitou isn't seen on camera.
Saitou: "H... Hi."
Soujirou: "Where's Spud Savage?!"
Saitou: "Here..."
Soujirou: "Where?"
Saitou: "Behind the camera!"
Soujirou: "Get back on! We're live!"
Saitou: "But... but I'm scared! AHH!! HELP ME!"
The camera focuses on Saitou running away from Enishi.
Enishi: "My darling! Come back!!"
Saitou runs out of the door and into the streets. Enishi continues to follow.
Soujirou: "Well, that's the end of the news. I'm Ramalamadingdong, and I quit!"

Game #3: World's Worst
Kenshin: "I'll give half a point to Enishi for being such a desperate guy."
Soujirou: "Where'd they go anyway?"
Saitou and Enishi come running back into the studio, using the opposite door to enter. They quickly take their seats.
Kenshin: "For a minute there, I thought you guys ran off."
Saitou: "I would have. I hate this show!"
Kenshin: "Is that why you're only person that's been on every episode so far?"
Saitou: "Keep your wise remarks to yourself."
Kenshin: "The next game is 'World's Worst'. All four contestants will come down and give examples for the world's worst technique name."
Shishio: "Ama Kakeru Ryuu no Hirameki."
Saitou: "Master Blaster."
Enishi: "Screaming Girl Slash."
Soujirou: "Heaven's Toilet."
Saitou: "Stink Bomb Attack."
Shishio: "Flatulence Fire."
Enishi: "Dancing Monkey Stance.
Soujirou: "Rabies Bite."
Saitou: "Longtechniquenamethatsuselesscauseyoudiebeforeyoufinishsayingit."

Game #4: Hoedown
Kenshin: "That was a nice little breather game... but unfortunately, this is going to be our final game of the night. It's a hoedown!"
Shishio, Soujirou, Enishi, and Saitou don't look to happy.
Kenshin: "I'll relieve one of you four... tonight's winner, according to these points is Shishio Makoto!"
Shishio: "Hey! I wanted to make up a line!"
Kenshin: "You won, so you're out."
Shishio: "That's not fair! You cheat, Battousai! Let me see that score card."
Kenshin: "The points aren't real."
Shishio: "I said let me see it!"
Kenshin's eyes turn amber.
Kenshin: "Just sit down."
Shishio: "Yes, sir!"
Shishio hurries over to Kenshin's seat as Kenshin punches himself in the face as he walks over to the stage.
Kenshin: "So, any suggestions from the audience what this hoedown will be about? Specifically something having to do with something that happens in a fight."
The audience shouts out their suggestions.
Kenshin: "All right! This will be the Injury Hoedown."
Saitou: "My god..."
Enishi: "What a terrible suggestion."
Kenshin: "Tsubame, when you're ready..."

The hoedown tune begins to play.

- "There is something that no one ever likes."
- "It's getting an injury in a real big fight."
- "I really could care less for the wounded and the weak."
- "Cause I'm singing a hoedown, damn, this stuff reaks."

- "Injuries always happen when there's a big bad brawl."
- "There's people flying all over the place and into walls."
- "But there is a pesron who can't deal a final blow."
- "He looks like a mummy, his name's Shishio Makoto!"

- "I just got hurt from a brawl that I had last night..."
- "And now my muscles are aching and feel really tight."
- "I swear, this was a fight for my dear old life..."
- "Because it was a fight in bed with Saitou's wife."

- "I might get hurt a few times, but I always live."
- "If Enishi wanted a beatdown, that I can give."
- "What's with this unoriginal garbage that always involves my wife?"
- "I guess, Yukishiro Enishi, you can say good-bye to your life."

Kenshin: "That's it for this edition of 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?', I hope you enjoyed it!"
Shishio: "Ah hah hah hah!"
Shishio draws a sword from Kenshin's desk.
Shishio: "Foolish, Battousai! You leave your Sakabatou under your desk! Now, die!!"
Shishio charges at the unarmed Kenshin.
Kenshin: "Oro~!"
Kenshin runs out of the studio and into the streets.
Shishio: "Hurry up, Soujirou, aren't you going to assist me?"
Soujirou: "Um, well..."
Shishio: "Come on!"
Shishio drags Soujirou by the collar.
Saitou: "This would be a good time to escape."
Enishi: "You're right!"
Saitou and Enishi run out of the opposite door in hopes of escaping the show for good.