"Welcome to 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'! I'm
your host Himura Kenshin and tonight is the show's special
Kenshin walks down the stairs and into his desk while
the audience claps.
Kenshin: "Ah, yet another evening, and I get
to spend it with four people who hate or hated me in the
past. From left to right, we have "The World's Biggest
Scab" Shishio Makoto, "Faster Than the Speed
of Light" Seta Soujirou, "Snow White" Yukishiro
Enishi, and "The Surgeon General" Saitou Hajime."
The audience applauds.
Enishi: "Snow White? I am no fairy tale, Battousai!"
Saitou: "Just wait and insult him later in
Shishio: "Oh, I know I will!"
Shishio laughs insanely.
Shishio: "And I got a sword with me this time,
Kenshin: "I am so proud for you."
Kenshin: "The first game, 'Dating Game', will
involve all four contestants. Enishi is looking for a
date, played by Shishio, Soujirou, and Saitou. Though,
the three guys starting with the letter S will be playing
characters that they are just knowing about now."
Saitou: "Where the hell are the envelopes
we're suppose to look at?"
Kenshin: "Um... just make up someone then!"
Shishio: "How unprepared, Battousai. Is this
how you will be fighting me after the show as well?"
Kenshin: "I'll kill you."
Kenshin's eyes turn amber and a mean look takes over his
Soujirou: "Himura-san... we're on the air."
Kenshin: "Oh, right."
Kenshin punches himself in the face, reverting back to
Kenshin: "Anyway, just make up something and
Enishi will have to guess."
The four contestants
take their seats closer to the edge of the stage.
Enishi: "Bachelor #1, if you were a jelly
bean flavor, what flavor would you be?"
Shishio: "Blood flavor. I like the taste of
blood, especially the blood of a woman. Eh heh heh..."
Shisho gets out of seat, with his eyes closed.
Shishio: "In fact, I can just taste it now!"
Shishio wanders around, but falls off stage. Everyone
bursts into laughter as Shishio lies face down.
Enishi: "Bachlelor #2, who do you consider
your role model?"
Enishi: "Battousai... is your role model?"
Soujirou: "B... Battousai!"
Soujirou starts frothing.
Enishi: "Right-o. Bachelor #3, where would
you take us on our first date?"
Saitou: "I would take you up to the highest
mountain, where we would spend our evening getting drunk
with the many flavors of sake! Oh yes! Sake is the best
beverage in this world! I cannot believe how good it tastes!
One minute, it's a refreshing drink that calms the soul,
and the next, it takes like sh - "
Enishi: "All right! Bachelor #1? You OK?"
Shishio gets up and looks around.
Shishio: "Hah hah... I can see you all! I
can see you with my Shin Gan!"
Shishio: "Wait a minute, where did my precious
turtle shell go? Aww... now I can't dress up like a Teenage
Mutant Ninja Turtle this Halloween!"
Shishio begins sobbing and he wanders around the stage
while doing so, that is, until he smashes right into a
camera. Again, he falls down, causing the audience to
burst out in laughter.
Enishi: "Bachelor #2, how would you describe
the perfect woman?"
Soujirou: "Battousai... BATTOUSAI!!!"
Soujirou raises his arm and acts as though he's shooting
something. Enishi just raises his eyebrow. Soujirou sits
back down and begins frothing again.
Enishi: "Yes. How about you, Bachelor #3?"
Saitou: "Oh, well, the ideal woman... there
is no such thing. All there is in life is my sword and
sake. Hell, I'm an old fart anyway and I never could score
with a fine gal, except the ones at the Aoiya."
Kenshin: "So, do you have any guesses, Enishi?"
Enishi: "I guess that first guy is blind."
Kenshin: "Yeah, yeah, he's Usui."
Shishio gets back up and takes his seat.
Enishi: "The second bachelor is a friend of
Kenshin: "Yep, and do you have any idea who
Enishi: "He's some old guy who likes sake?"
Kenshin: "Yeah, but he's my master... unfortunately."
Saitou: "His master's name is Hiko Seijuurou."
Enishi: "Well, how would I know?! I haven't
met the guy before! Is he even better than you,
Kenshin: "I don't know."
Saitou: "He is! He is!"
Enishi: "This might be an interesting challenge
then... you know, I never did get to finish my - "
Kenshin: "That's enough! You can go back and
take your seats!"
Kenshin: "Our next game is for everyone again.
Oh yes, by the way, a hundred points to Shishio for smashing
Shishio: "I'm kind of dizzy."
Kenshin: "Yes, you are. Anyway, all four will
come down and be acting as strange newscasters. There's
only one sane person out of this entire cast and that
will be Soujirou. Soujirou will be the main anchorman,
while Enishi, his co-anchorman, Shishio the sports man,
and Saitou the weatherman will all have strange characteristics.
Now, Enishi is someone who is obsessed with the sports
and weather reporters, Shishio is a guy who talks too
fast, and Saitou likes camera-shy. Whenever you hear the
theme music, you can start the game off, Soujirou."
The news theme
begins to play.
Soujirou: "Good evening, I'm Ramalamadingdong..."
Enishi: "And I'm Pip Pooter."
Soujirou: "Tonight, animals attacked, again,
and movies nowadays are really, really pointless and are
just trying to steal your money."
Enishi: "Yes, movies are always trying to
take your money these days. With movies like ... um..."
Enishi stares at Shishio.
Enishi: "Can we switch it over to sports?"
Soujirou: "Uh, go ahead, sports guy, Chan
Shishio: "Yes, well, in baseball, some guy
scored a home run and in soccer, a guy scored a goal."
Enishi runs up to Shishio and hugs him.
Shishio: "Get off of me!!"
Enishi: "Come with me! Run away with me, Chan
Chan! For you and I must be together for enternity!"
Shishio shoves Enishi away, causing him to fall over and
knock down Soujirou as well.
Shishio: "Back to you guys."
Soujirou gets himself back to his feet.
Soujirou: "Enough! Time for weather!"
Saitou isn't seen on camera.
Saitou: "H... Hi."
Soujirou: "Where's Spud Savage?!"
Saitou: "Behind the camera!"
Soujirou: "Get back on! We're live!"
Saitou: "But... but I'm scared! AHH!! HELP
The camera focuses on Saitou running away from Enishi.
Enishi: "My darling! Come back!!"
Saitou runs out of the door and into the streets. Enishi
continues to follow.
Soujirou: "Well, that's the end of the news.
I'm Ramalamadingdong, and I quit!"
Kenshin: "I'll give half a point to Enishi
for being such a desperate guy."
Soujirou: "Where'd they go anyway?"
Saitou and Enishi come running back into the studio, using
the opposite door to enter. They quickly take their seats.
Kenshin: "For a minute there, I thought you
guys ran off."
Saitou: "I would have. I hate this show!"
Kenshin: "Is that why you're only person that's
been on every episode so far?"
Saitou: "Keep your wise remarks to yourself."
Kenshin: "The next game is 'World's Worst'.
All four contestants will come down and give examples
for the world's worst technique name."
Shishio: "Ama Kakeru Ryuu no Hirameki."
Saitou: "Master Blaster."
Enishi: "Screaming Girl Slash."
Soujirou: "Heaven's Toilet."
Saitou: "Stink Bomb Attack."
Shishio: "Flatulence Fire."
Enishi: "Dancing Monkey Stance.
Soujirou: "Rabies Bite."
Kenshin: "That was a nice little breather
game... but unfortunately, this is going to be our final
game of the night. It's a hoedown!"
Shishio, Soujirou, Enishi, and Saitou don't look to happy.
Kenshin: "I'll relieve one of you four...
tonight's winner, according to these points is Shishio
Shishio: "Hey! I wanted to make up a line!"
Kenshin: "You won, so you're out."
Shishio: "That's not fair! You cheat, Battousai!
Let me see that score card."
Kenshin: "The points aren't real."
Shishio: "I said let me see it!"
Kenshin's eyes turn amber.
Kenshin: "Just sit down."
Shishio: "Yes, sir!"
Shishio hurries over to Kenshin's seat as Kenshin punches
himself in the face as he walks over to the stage.
Kenshin: "So, any suggestions from the audience
what this hoedown will be about? Specifically something
having to do with something that happens in a fight."
The audience shouts out their suggestions.
Kenshin: "All right! This will be the Injury
Saitou: "My god..."
Enishi: "What a terrible suggestion."
Kenshin: "Tsubame, when you're ready..."
tune begins to play.
is something that no one ever likes."
- "It's getting an injury in a real big fight."
- "I really could care less for the wounded and the
- "Cause I'm singing a hoedown, damn, this stuff
- "Injuries always happen when there's a big bad
- "There's people flying all over the place and into
- "But there is a pesron who can't deal a final blow."
- "He looks like a mummy, his name's Shishio Makoto!"
- "I just
got hurt from a brawl that I had last night..."
- "And now my muscles are aching and feel really
- "I swear, this was a fight for my dear old life..."
- "Because it was a fight in bed with Saitou's wife."
- "I might
get hurt a few times, but I always live."
- "If Enishi wanted a beatdown, that I can give."
- "What's with this unoriginal garbage that always
involves my wife?"
- "I guess, Yukishiro Enishi, you can say good-bye
to your life."
"That's it for this edition of 'Whose Line is it
Kenshinyway?', I hope you enjoyed it!"
Shishio: "Ah hah hah hah!"
Shishio draws a sword from Kenshin's desk.
Shishio: "Foolish, Battousai! You leave your
Sakabatou under your desk! Now, die!!"
Shishio charges at the unarmed Kenshin.
Kenshin runs out of the studio and into the streets.
Shishio: "Hurry up, Soujirou, aren't you going
to assist me?"
Soujirou: "Um, well..."
Shishio: "Come on!"
Shishio drags Soujirou by the collar.
Saitou: "This would be a good time to escape."
Enishi: "You're right!"
Saitou and Enishi run out of the opposite door in hopes
of escaping the show for good.