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Let It Burn

Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?

Kenshin: "Welcome to 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'! I am your host, Himura Kenshin. Let's get crackin'!"
Kenshin walks down the stairs from the crowd and takes a seat in his desk while the audience applauds.
Kenshin: "Well, well, well... Welcome. Welcome to the show, the one that was almost canceled thanks to someone sitting right on that very stage. Tonight, our performers are "Help Me I'm On Fire" Shishio Makoto, "My Muscles Hurt Me" Hiko Seijuurou, "I Like Running" Sagara Sanosuke, and "I'm Soon to Die of Lung Cancer" Saitou Hajime."
Saitou: "Battousai... Just who are you referring to as the one that almost canceled your show?"
Kenshin: "You."
Saitou: "What? Me!? Impossible."
Kenshin: "I promised that you wouldn't be here for the next taping, and now, here you are, sitting in your usual seat."
Saitou: "Well, apparently I am the star attraction of this show, so why lose even more viewers by not having me on? That was the way I had thought about it."
Kenshin: "It doesn't really matter, because we're starting our first game right now."
Sano: "I'll make him leave the show, Kenshin!"
Saitou: "Touch me, and you die."

Game #1: Dating Game
Kenshin: "In our first game entitled 'Dating Game', Shishio will be the bachelor, or bachelorette, if we ever do discover what it's hiding under those bandages, on a dating game featuring three contestants, Hiko, Sano, and Saitou. Shishio will not only have to figure out who he will go out on a date with, but also, must identify the characters each of the contestants are acting as. A card is on the seats, contestants, filled with the character you will need to be playing, so whenever you're ready, let's begin."
Shishio: "Bachelor #1, I like a man who has everything planned down. Are you that type of person?"
Hiko: "Yes, I know what will happen next in my life! I will kiss you, Shishio-sama! Kiss you on your lips! Even though I am not standing by your side and am worthless compared to you, I must tell you, I love you! I love you Shishio-sama! Oh, and your bandages arouse me."
Shishio: "... Right... Bachelor #2, where would you think would be the ideal place to take us on our first date?"
Sano: "Somewhere with a lot of room, because me cannot fit in normal restaurants. And... somewhere where they serve lots of food... LOTS!"
Shishio: "Bachelor #3. I like a man with a sense of fashion, someone who knows how to dress. What would you wear on our first date?"
Saitou: "Um, let's see. I don't know if I should wear my red scarf or my blue scarf. Oh, how about my pink undies, do you think they'll be too glamorous? Oh yeah! I just bought a new rope to wrap around my shoulders to look cool, and my sparkling ribbon is just to die for!"
Shishio: "OK. Bachelor #1, would you wait for me to make the first move, or will you be the one to be leading in every step?"
Hiko: "I will do everything, but only for Shishio-sama! He is the greatest in the world! I will sacrifice my own life for him! I will die for Shishio-sama! Soujirou, Anji, and every Juppon Gatana will not do such a thing, now will they!? Shishio-sama! I wear my gloves just not to dirty your precious bandages! Isn't that enough!?"
Shishio: "How about you Bachelor #2? Same question."
Sano: "Move? What is move?"
Shishio: "You know..."
Sano: "Movie?"
Shishio: "No, moves! You know, like, 'hit' on me."
Sano: "I hit you, but guarantee that I will miss because I cannot even squash man in cape."
Shishio: "And lastly, Bachelor #3, where would you take us on our first date?"
Saitou: "Oh, how about my favorite bar - Chip N' Dales? Yeah! I love that place. Oh, you know my friend Fred, he is soo~ funny! I heard this great joke last week - want to hear?"
Shishio: "No."
Saitou: "OK, well, this guy walk... Hah hah hah! Oh my god! It's soo~ funny!"
Kenshin: "OK, Shishio, do you know who's who?"
Shishio: "I am afraid to say. Oh, and by the way Battousai, I am a man - more than you'll ever be."
Kenshin: "I'm married."
Shishio: "... Damn."
Kenshin: "Heh, so that makes it Kenshin - one, Shishio - zip!"
Shishio: "Shut it. Now, Bachelor #1 is definitely Houji."
Kenshin: "Yep."
Shishio: "I could tell. Your master here, Battousai, does a very good impression of him... It's almost too real... Now, Bachelor #2 is that dolt Fuji. And Bachelor #3 is that pest, Kamatari."
Kenshin: "Wow, you know your Juppon Gatana well, Shishio."
Sano: "If you ask me, they're all a bunch of freaks!"
Shishio: "Tell me about it..."

Game #2: Questions Only
Kenshin: "This next game is called 'Questions Only' and is for everyone. Basically, the name of the game explains it all. Only questions may be asked in the given scene. If someone doesn't say something in the form of a question, he must step out and whoever is behind him will take his place. Now the scene is the beach."
Shishio: "What the heck is this?"
Sano: "What the heck is what?"
Shishio: "Do you not see the ground I am pointing at?"
Sano: "You mean sand?"
Shishio: "Is sand something we can eat?"
Sano: "Are you stupid?"
Shishio snickers and walks away.
Sano: "Hi there. Oh crap."
Sano punches himself in the head and walks off.
Hiko: "Who are you?"
Saitou: "Who are you?"
Hiko: "Didn't I ask first?"
Saitou: "Do I care?"
Hiko: "Are you from the police?"
Saitou: "Am I?"
Hiko: "Didn't you go to the same school as me?"
Saitou: "Why do you talk about such nonsense at the beach?"
Hiko: "Why do pigs fly?"
Saitou: "Aren't you hot in that cape?"
Hiko: "Aren't you tired of smoking?"
Saitou: "Do I have a joint in my mouth right now?"
Hiko: "I don't know, do you?"
Kenshin hits his buzzer.
Kenshin: "Sorry, sensei, but that was not a question."
Hiko: "What?"
Kenshin: "That was, but what you said wasn't, or, I'm just tired of seeing you."
Hiko: "Stupid pupil..."
Hiko walks off stage.
Saitou: "So, how's the weather?"
Shishio: "Do you have pants?"
Saitou: "Why do you ask?"
Shishio: "Can't you see I have just wet mine?"
Saitou: "Wouldn't everyone think that is 'cool'?"
Shishio: "Can you say "No"?"
Kenshin hits his buzzer.

Game #3: Talk Show
Kenshin: "Our next game, like the last is similar because of its name explaining it all. All four contestants will be playing roles on a talk show, with Saitou being the host. Now, his two guests, Sano and Hiko will have to make up the characters who they are, and Shishio will be sitting in the crowd just because he wants to. So, whenever you're ready, let's begin."
Saitou: "Welcome to the 'All People Named Kenshin Have to be Stupid' talk show. I am your host, Kenshin, and have with me two people that do not like the famous rurouni himself."
Kenshin: "What the?"
Saitou: "Now now Battousai, you have to be quiet cause you aren't a contestant; you're just the host!"
Kenshin: "Fine..."
Saitou: "Now, what are your names?"
Sano: "My name is Takanori Keiji, and I don't like that Battousai because he learned how to dye his hair red before us people learned about color dye!"
Hiko: "And my name is Saigo Youhei. My reason for not liking this 'Kenshin' is because I am his father!"
Saitou: "Shocking revelations already in the program! Now, Youhei-san, you are Kenshin's father?"
Hiko: "Yes."
Saitou: "I should slap you now for giving birth to such a pest! Wait, are you really?"
Hiko: "Yes, I am! I am Kenshin's father, and I have proof!"
Saitou: "Let's see it."
Hiko: "Look!"
Saitou: "... What?"
Hiko: "I have the same kind of colored skin as Kenshin!"
Saitou: "Wow! That really proves to us that you're his father!"
Sano: "I wanted red hair! I wanted to be the first redhead in Japan, but no! That Kenshin has to go and steal my idea!"
Saitou: "I wanted red hair too, so shut up. Anyway, we have a question from someone in the audience. Yes, you with the hair sticking out of his smelly bandages."
Shishio: "Yeah, I'm a fan of Kenshin. He saved the people from being under the rule of Shishio Makoto. *grumble* But, I just want to know, what do you guys have against the savior of Japan? I mean, you should be thankful you are being worked day at night by that Shishio!"
Sano: "Two words: RED HAIR!"
Hiko: "He's my son, I tell you!"
Shishio: "... Heh heh. Quite interesting, Youhei-san, but I have something that you should know. I am Kenshin's father!"
Saitou: "My name is Luke. Is anyone my father?"
Sano covers his nose and speaks in a deep voice.
Sano: "Luke, I am your father..."
Hiko: "You want to come down here, you damned mummy and prove that you're Kenshin's pops?"
Shishio: "I never thought you'd ask!"
Shishio leaps out from the audience and draws his sword. Hiko immediately draws his and the two clash. Hiko and Shishio take the fight seriously, and begin swinging all over the area. Eventually, they enter the backstage area and disappear off camera.

Game #4: Hoedown
Kenshin: "... Um, well, it looks like that I will have to take place in the last game, our favorite one - hoedown!"
Saitou groans.
Kenshin: "But we need someone else..."
???: "I'll do it."
Kenshin, Sano, and Saitou look around in question. Suddenly, Aoshi drops down from the ceiling.
Kenshin: "Aoshi-san!"
Sano: "Where the hell did you come from?"
Aoshi: "Somewhere."
Saitou: "You were up in the ceiling this whole time?"
Sano: "Doing what...?"
Aoshi coughs.
Aoshi: "That's none of your business. Now, let's get this hoedown started!"
Tsubame begins to play the piano.
Kenshin: "Um, OK. The topic is um..."
The audience begins shouting out suggestions.
Kenshin: "Fine, it'll be about fish!"

Kenshin
- "I am a tiny fish and one day I was caught."
- "I tried to fight it, I fought and fought and fought."
- "I got sent to the market then I screamed "Oh no!"."
- "Because I was cooked by Kaoru-dono."

Aoshi
- "I think it's funny that people often say."
- "Fish is brain food, eat it everyday."
- "Sure it's OK, but not to me."
- "I really don't like fish, I prefer tea."

Sano
- "I never eat fish, I think it's the worst!"
- "One bite, I tell you, it has to be the worst."
- "I wouldn't eat the thing, not even for a nickel!"
- "Guess I'll just up my tab at the Akabeko."

Saitou
- "When I eat fish, I hate to pick at the bones."
- "They're a pain in the butt, everybody knows."
- "So instead of having fish and when my tongue starts lickin',"
- "I'll just fry the guy next to me and have me some chicken."

Sano: "What was that!?"
Sano threatens to punch Saitou.
Saitou: "Try me, chicken head."
Sano punches Saitou in the face.
Saitou: "Oh, now you'll get it..."
Saitou begins fighting back.
Kenshin: "Oh no, another fight. Well, that's it for this episode of 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'. We'll see you..."
Kaoru: "Kenshin...!"
Kenshin turns to his side, only to see a furious Kaoru.
Kaoru: "I heard what you said about my cooking."
Kenshin: "Now, now Kaoru... I didn't really mean it...!"
Kaoru takes out a frying pan and begins chasing Kenshin with it.
Kaoru: "I'll make you scream "Oh no!" for real!"
As the chaos ensues, and Hiko and Shishio return onto the stage to make it three fights going on at once, Aoshi sighs and disappears down a trap door in the floor.