"Hello and welcome to 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'!
I'm your host Himura Kenshin."
The audience applauds as Kenshin makes his way down the
stairs and into his seat.
Kenshin: "Thank you, thank you. It's great
to be here."
Saitou: "Tsch. Easy for you to say, Battousai."
Kenshin: "Eh heh heh... Anyway, we got a great
show for you tonight because of our four fine improvisers
on stage right now. From left to right, we have my trusty
heater, Shishio Makoto, the best hair dye specialist in
the world, Yukishiro Enishi, the human punching bag, Sagara
Sanosuke, and a man who makes being left-handed ever so
neat, Saitou Hajime."
Shishio: "Damn you, Battousai. You always
introduce me in such a ridiculous fashion. Why don't you
just call me your superior like you should and we'll call
it even? Or do I have to tell that woman of yours that
you're having an affair with Yumi again, eh?"
Kenshin: "Shishio-san, please..."
Shishio: "Say it!"
Kenshin: "Let's get started - "
Shishio: "Argh! I hate you! You sent me to
Hell and this is my punishment, huh? I have to participate
in your ridiculous game show just so that you can start
rolling in the dough. Well, I'll tell you something, Battousai.
I defeated Enma! Did you hear me?!"
Sano: "Put a sock in it, mummy man."
Saitou: "Shut up both of you... My wife is
expecting me to be home promptly... She's making dinner."
Sanosuke: "Ooh. Saitou's got a hot date?!
Saitou: "Well, I am married, something you'll
Sano: "Oh yeah? Just wait! Just wait, Saitou!
I'll find someone even better than your wife. Not only
will she cook me the finest of meals, but she'll even
pay off my entire tab at the Akabeko!"
Saitou: "Impossible. That tab couldn't be
paid off even if the Emperor himself helped you."
Sano: "What did you say?!"
Enishi: "SHUT UP!!"
Silence falls upon the entire set.
Kenshin: "Um, as I was saying... You know
the rules. We'll play a few games, award a few points
to whoever, and that's about it. Let's get started before
something bad happens, OK?"
Game #1: Talk Show
first game we'll play is 'Talk Show.' It's for everyone,
so get onto the stage, please. These four men will have
to act as if they are on a talk show. Does anyone have
some suggestions about what this talk show will be about?"
The audience shouts out their suggestions. Meanwhile,
Enishi grabs a microphone as Sanosuke sits down in a chair
nearby. Shishio wanders up into the audience and Saitou
Kenshin: "Break ups? Heh, that sounds like
it'll make an interesting subject. OK, so Enishi is the
host of this talk show and the subject will be about break
ups. Take it away, guys."
back. Today, we were talking with Mr. Sano here about
his recent break up with his girlfriend. Mr. Sano, what
number was this?"
Sano: "What do you mean what number was this?"
Enishi: "Why, haven't you suffered such a
loss many a time?"
Sano: "Oh. That number. Hmm... I think this
is number one-hundred and seventy-six."
Enishi: "My, I'm surprised you can even count
that high. So, what was the key to this split between
you and... What was your girlfriend's name?"
Sano: "Um... Kaoru."
Enishi: "Yes, Kaoru... I will kill her...
I mean, so why did you two break up?"
Sano: "It's a long story. I mean, we were
fine at first... We always saw each other everyday and
she used to send me messages by pigeon saying all of that
mushy kind of stuff. Honestly Maury, I don't know why
we even broke up."
Enishi: "Maury? Who is Maury?"
Sano: "You, stupid."
Sano: "Anyway, I think she said something
about wanting some free space. Psh, I don't know what
she meant by that. Whatever."
Sano crosses his arms and legs and looks away from the
Enishi: "Well Mr. Sano, you'll find out the
reason why you two split right now because Ms. Kaoru is
in the back right now. Ms Kaoru, if you would?"
Saitou comes walking out from the backstage. The audience
begins to clap and whistle wildly as Saitou grabs his
seat and moves it really far away from Sano.
Enishi: "Ms. Kaoru, please, answer me this.
Do you still love this man?"
Saitou: "No. I never did."
Sano: "What?! You told me you did! You even
wrote it in pigeon poop that you did! Liar!"
Saitou: "Sano, I loved... your money."
Sano: "What money?"
Saitou: "Your money. You always had a lot
of cash stuffed under your futon."
Sano: "I did?"
Saitou: "Err... Yes, you did."
Sano: "I don't remember even having money
in the first place. Odd..."
Enishi: "That is quite odd, indeed. Wait a
minute! Ms. Kaoru, when and where did you even take this
Saitou: "I swear, it was right under Sano's
Sano: "Wait! I don't even own a futon. I sleep
Enishi: "Then Ms. Kaoru was sleeping with
- another man!"
The audience gasps.
Sano gets up and begins assaulting Saitou.
Saitou: "Help! Help! Spousal abuse!"
Enishi quickly breaks the two up. The audience is wild
until Shishio stands up from the crowd.
Shishio: "Kaoru was sleeping with me!"
Sano: "And who the hell are you?!"
Shishio: "I am just a mere rurouni, that I
Kenshin quickly hits the buzzer to signal the end of the
Game #2: Random
sorry, but I just had to save myself from the embarrassment
of the last game."
Saitou: "Tsch. Battousai, I had to be a woman
that round. A woman!"
Sano: "Serves you right, ugly."
Saitou: "Shut your mouth, you chicken."
Kenshin: "The next game is 'Random Scene'.
This is for everyone and the scene chosen will have to
be a reenactment from everyone's favorite show, which
A melon comes flying from the right side of the stage,
beaming Sano in the head.
Kenshin: "I don't want to be sounding boastful
or anything, but it's from Rurouni Kenshin."
Sano: "Oh, right... I knew that. Heh heh."
Saitou: "... Moron."
Kenshin: "Now... I'm afraid of this, but Shishio
will be playing my part while Enishi will be playing Shishio.
This will be a reenactment of the classic battle between
myself and Shishio-san from the series."
Sano: "What about me and ugly here?"
Kenshin: "Oh, you two can be the irritating
commentators on the side who have to elaborate about every
Enishi: "every little thing? They never sang
a song for the series!"
Kenshin: "Stop taking everything so literally!"
you bastard. I will kill you by turning around my Sakabatou
and taking off your head. Screw my oath not to kill. I
will kill you and turn back into the hitokiri, then, I
will rule the world!"
Enishi: "Wait! Before you do so, Battousai,
I would like to know one thing."
Shishio: "And that is?"
Enishi: "I bit you once before. Your flesh
was sweet, but not really something I could enjoy everyday
for dinner. However, I just wanted to know, what would
I taste like if you bit me? Would I taste like chicken?"
Shishio: "Why don't you try biting yourself?
That is, if I give you time to live!"
Saitou: "This is going to turn into a fight
with mouths, literally."
Sano: "Go Shishio-sama, ra ra ra."
Shishio gets into a Battou Jutsu stance.
Saitou: "He's... in position! Battou Jutsu!"
Enishi: "No matter what you do, Battousai,
your attacks are futile against my superior skills! Ahahaha!"
Sano: "Shishio-sama is going to use it!"
Saitou: "Use what?"
Sano shrugs. Saitou falls over.
Shishio: "Let's see you dodge this!"
Shishio draws his sword and thrusts it forward in a rather
Shishio: "Kuzu Ryu Sen!"
Enishi gets hit by the blows, then falls off the stage.
Shishio: "At least, I will rule the world!"
Saitou: "I never knew Battousai had such devilish
Sano: "I wonder if Shishio-sama will get up?
I really wonder..."
Enishi crawls back onto the stage. What's noticeable is
a really evil look in his eyes.
Enishi charges forward and attacks Shishio head on. With
both of their swords drawn, they clash with each other
until they are locked in a duel right in center stage.
Shishio: "Surrender, so I can rule the world
and make everyone into mindless drones that say "Oro?"
all day long!"
Enishi: "Never! Not until you answer my question
if I taste like chicken or not!"
Game #3: Alphabet
next game is just for Shishio and Saitou entitled 'Alphabet.'
What they have to do is start off from a certain letter
and continue the next sentence starting with the next
letter of the alphabet that follows. So, let's begin with
the letter 'B.' Remember now, you have to start with the
letter 'B' and end with the letter 'B.' Oh, did I forget
to mention that you have to do this all in two minutes
or else you lose your points?"
Saitou: "I don't even remember receiving any
points at all!"
Kenshin: "Oh yeah. Um, I forgot about them."
Sano: "We all did."
Enishi: "Yeah, who cares about them. They're
just something there to make this seem like this is an
actual game show when in reality we're all just reading
from the cue cards in front of us, nicely hidden away
from the camera's view so that the people who are watching
this at home don't realize that none of this is actually
made up from the top of our heads."
Kenshin: "Enishi, even if you are my brother-in-law,
before you try to kill me again, let me let you in on
a little secret of mine's..."
Sano whispers into Enishi's ear.
Sano: "Kenshin can't read... None of us can...
Well, except Saitou."
Kenshin: "When I was with Tomoe, she said
that you couldn't read."
Enishi: "Shut up, all of you! I know Chinese.
Just go on with the game! Hrmph..."
Shishio: "Hey, white hair... I know kung-fu."
Enishi: "Hey, bandages, so do I."
Shishio: "OK, I was lying... I'm kind of scared
it's a hot day today."
Shishio: "Couldn't agree any further."
Saitou: "Don't you have anything else to say?"
Shishio: "Err... No?"
Saitou: "Face it, you're just horrible."
Shishio: "Glad you noticed."
Shishio: "I can't believe you just said that."
Saitou: "Just testing your skills."
Shishio: "Kangaroos are smarter than you."
Saitou: "Llamas are smarter than you."
Shishio: "My steel plate has more brain cells
Saitou: "No way."
Shishio: "Oh, but it's true."
Shishio: "Quiet, I'm talking."
Saitou: "Right now?"
Shishio: "Shut up."
Saitou: "Try and make me."
Shishio: "Um, OK."
Saitou: "Very weak comeback."
Shishio: "What did you say?!"
Saitou: "Xena is hot."
Shishio: "You think so too?!"
Saitou: "Zero Shiki to you!"
Shishio: "Ah hah. Too bad you can't hit me."
Game #4: Hoedown
we somehow managed to survive up until the very end of
the game. You know, a very good point was brought up about
points. Who cares about them anyway?! So, just for tonight,
the hoedown will feature five players."
Sano and Saitou groan.
Sano: "I wanted to sit out on this one! Come
on, Kenshin! Just this once?"
Enishi: "You jerk. If I'm in it, you're in
it too. Got that?!"
Enishi glares directly into Sano's eyes.
Sano: "Err... Nevermind, guess I'm in!"
Kenshin: "OK, we need something to talk about
The audience shouts out their suggestions.
Kenshin: "No... We did an Oro Hoedown once
before. Hmm? What was that? A Saitou Hoedown?! That sounds
great. Hit it, Tsubame!"
Saitou rolls his eyes as Tsubame begins to play the familiar
- "There's someone always trying to kill little
- "He happened to be part of the Shinsen Gumi"
- "Now he's part of 'Whose Line is it Kenshinyway?'"
- "Sitting here forever, receiving no pay"
- "I know of a Miburo pest from the past"
- "Thinking about him gives me a rash"
- "Oh, well, I beat him, what more can I say"
- "Except I'd take his wife and have my own way"
- "I almost went to jail for good because of
- "Sometimes I wonder why some women are his fans"
- "He looks like a dog and smokes quite a bit"
- "I wonder what'll happen if I tell him to "sit"
- "Saitou is a jerk who's just a pain in my rear"
- "Everytime I'm next to him, I have something to
- "Maybe it's his looks or even better yet"
- "It must really be his halitosis breath"
- "How can you speak so low of a great man like me"
- "I'm better than Battousai multiplied by three"
- "The same goes for you other fools"
- "With my Gatotsu, I'd slaughter you"
did we put Saitou last in a hoedown about himself?"
Saitou: "Because I'm always last! Hey, you
know what, Battousai? Maybe we should start talking about
changing the name of the show to something like, 'Whose
Line is it Saitouway?'!
Enishi: "That just sounds really stupid."
Saitou: "Kenshinyway?! What does that even
Sano: "I think that whole hoedown really brought
out the egomaniac in Saitou."
Kenshin: "Mm hmm... Saitou was never like
this before; he was always so modest."
Saitou: "That's it!"
Saitou takes out his katana and begins demolishing the
Saitou: "If this show's name isn't changed
by the next episode, I'm going to tear the whole place
Shishio: "Is somebody talking about destruction?!"
Shishio takes out his sword and lights the chairs on fire
with his Homura Dama technique.
Kenshin: "Um, thanks for joining us, and good
The camera fades out as Kenshin and Sano try to restrain
Shishio and Saitou. As for Enishi, he takes a seat in
Kenshin's chair and puts his feet up on the desk, watching
in amusement what's taking place before him.